The Struggle Within

2 November 2014

Recently several people have told me, they'd seen my Facebook statuses and they're concerned I might have a problem, and they offer to help me. Well, thank you very much! This always leaves me wondering, what exactly this person read, understood from it, and what I had in my drunken mind at the time I wrote it, in the first place...

Well, that's right, not quite everything is all right with me... but as far as I understanding goes, there's nothing my friends can do about it... it's a path I must walk alone... Like the runner on the photo — no matter how many people cheer him up on the social networks, no matter how loud he's blasting out Black Sabbath from the speakers on his shoulders, it is nothing but his own strength that pushes him up the trail... into the cold darkness of the night...

But my own strength gets me nothing more than briefly lifting my head high, then collapsing into the same state of guilt and shame. I don't see anything that can get me out of this state, other than myself; I keep trying and keep failing. I keep thinking if someone could possibly help me, but it seems the struggle is to stay within.